1/22/2012

You should be three months old today. A lot of things should be different. I should be changing your diapers, trying to make you laugh, scheduling your check up (and see if it looks like you're going to be little like your big sister). I should be rocking you to sleep and singing to you. I think about you a lot. In fact, I think about you all the time. I hope you know that somehow. I talk to you a lot, although I'm sure you don't hear me. I hope God allows you to know just how much you are loved, how much you are missed, how much you were wanted. I like to think He does. If you only knew what I would give to hold you again and how often I imagine you in my arms. Sometimes I catch myself rocking while I think about you, just as if you were here and I was singing you to sleep. I know in my head that God has a purpose for all of this and somehow your story is going to make an impact on this world. But it's so hard to remind my heart of that when it just keeps breaking over and over again. Right now I'm just selfish. I'm selfish and I want you here with me. I want it so badly i can hardly breathe. I love you. I miss you.