Sunday, January 15, 2012
Warning
Now that the holidays are over, real life has begun. I didn't think it was possible, but things have gotten harder for me. I think the numbness has worn off and I'm forced to begin living my life without Mary. All of the things I had pictured, all the things I had planned, gone. I cry almost all the time now, even when I fight it with all my might. I don't mean to be a downer, but I'm just being honest. If you read this blog regularly, or as regularly as I post, I'm sorry. Here is your warning: expect honesty and sadness. That's where I am right now, and I can't help it. Read at your own risk. I'll try not to wallow, but these days it's difficult not to. Only the Lord holds the keys to my heart, my grief, my sadness, and my humanity. He knows where I am and is the only one that can turn my ashes into something beautiful.
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2 comments:
Experiencing grief can feel like being thrown into raging river where you find yourself at its mercy, not knowing where you're going, when you'll get there, how long the journey will be or even what shape you'll be in when its over.
I remember during one experience with it I cried out to GOD. I said, "I know you can make Satan's bad into good but what good can come of this?" Never have I had a prayer answered so quickly.
GOD said to me, "There will be others who come behind you who suffer similar pain. You will be my proof that I was there to see you through it... and will see them through it, too."
I am YOUR proof and I know you have at least 2 others. GOD is with you right now even if you're too numb or in too much pain to feel Him, He IS there!
Psalm 23 says that what you're experiencing is a valley. A valley so dark that you can't see your way through; therefore, GOD is there with you.
A valley has a beginning a middle with little to no light and then and end.
Don't forget the end. At the end, you will heal, you will remember, and, because your faith will grow, you will be stronger.
There is no way that you won't get to the healing. GOD has placed too many people around you that love you. We're but 2 of them.
We ARE reading your words. We encourage you to write them when they overflow your heart and we will not only love you in spite of them, we'll love you all the more.
When our son was stillborn, we had a very wise woman give us a piece of advice. She said, "There are no rules to your grief." This gave us the permission to have good days and bad days, angry days and sad days. That helped me get through the pain and heartache of losing Isaac. Isaac's due date was 7 years ago yesterday and I still miss him. There are still days that I cry for him, but God has given me peace that passes all understanding and hope for tomorrow. I will be praying these for you as well.
Oh and...please be honest. This is your blog. We're here to know right where you are at the moment and will pray with you through it. We love you guys dearly!!!
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